how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
