I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
