i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
