i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
