please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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