Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
