Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
