Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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