I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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