you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
