can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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