Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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