im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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