I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
