My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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