why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
