Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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