I love black thongs
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
