I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
