i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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