new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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