Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
