So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
