I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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