you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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