you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
