I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
