I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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