i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
