So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
