anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
