I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
