Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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