My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
