Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
