He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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