my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
