Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
