I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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