I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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