I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
