we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
