i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
