Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
