i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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