um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
