I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
