She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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