Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
