Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
